I have wanted to be an artist ever since I watched my first cartoon.
My mom even told me that when I was around 1, I knew how to work the video tape player to watch my favorite cartoons.
My favorite subject was always, of course.. art. That being said, in elementary, I was pratically shit in all other subjects LMAO
Although I was extremely quiet and not exactly the funnest person to talk to, my drawings could always spark up some conversations with others.
That was what made me keep drawing.
But of course there is a reality. Everything I made when I was younger looked like shit of course. I would see my art very oftenly thrown away in the trash can, even though I made all that effort to make it and give it to the people I care for. That has always been very painful for me to see. Something I made being deemed as trash.
Even when we had those class presentations of "what you want to be when you grow up," I would obviously answer, "artist."
The response from my teacher: "Don't they have very minimal income?"
It has always been like that since I could remember. To others, being an artist is not a pratical job.
Everyone else, what ever they say... fireman, police, singer, etc. The teacher would be like "that is a great goal."
But being an artist. To them, it is only a hobby.
I still wanted to be one though, even though I didn't know what kind.
It was my dream.
But with all the other school subjects, was being an artist really encouraged? I understand it was necessary to truly realize what you want to do, but... even things like being a "leader" in high school. What was the requirement? The BEST grades. A's, tops.
It has always been Academics. Academics. Academics.
I wasn't that bad in academics and I had high enough grades to go into SFU or UBC business. But it wasn't exactly outstanding.... All the students around me was incredibly competitive in academics. I am a competitve person... especially I feel "challenged," so being the idiot I am, it bothered me when people were doing better than me and literally shoving their grades in my face.
That said, my wish to become an artist died a bit at that time. All my time was occupied by academic homeworks. But I was not happy at all and I was too stupid to realize why.
In high school I was also in a kind of relationship, or puppy love in you will. When I was going into grade 12, I talked to my boyfriend about how I wanted to try applying for Emily Carr and go into arts. Like everyone else, he said arts was just a hobby and I should consider doing something more "pratical."
Being the girly shit I was, I started kind of sobbing like a useless bee, and he was literally like "You are crying.. AGAIN? -roll eyes-"
He said this other guy that was better than me couldnt even get it, so I would not stand a chance.
Even one of the person I cared most for thought it was unreasonable, So I highly considered going into business. In fact, I was prepared to apply for it.
For what my family thought about going into arts.. My dad kind of wanted me to reconsider, but are still respectful to my decisions. My mom and sister said go ahead. And I believe my brother also thought it will get me no where.
A great thing happened to me BEFORE I had to apply though, my boyfriend at that time finally dumped me.
And it was at that time that I was like "what have I been doing?" I didn't even had the balls to do what I really love and was lingering between the shit thoughts of others. I forgot what I wanted to do.
Funny thing is in the most important year, grade 12... I started not giving much shit for academics. I still took everything but I wouldnt bawl over a bad mark. I think that year was the year that I finally developed a personality.
And I say that because after the break up, I was finally like "No. This is what I want to do. And I will PROVE that I will get somewhere doing something I love."
Rather than doing a job I hate and only doing it just cause I need money to live, I will be doing something I love and earn money having fun.
Just because others cant do it, they think you can't do it too and try to pull you down with them. People should do what they love before they realize it is too late to turn back.
I ended up pursuing my dream and I did not regret it even for a second.
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